Entry:
Park your bike where you can see it from the café window. If some unsavoury heathen tries to make off with it you will be able to jump up, slide around on your cycling shoes, and at least witness the assailant is aged between 20 to 50 noting generic clothing that will be impossible to recall later on.
The Selection:
I could write reams on this subject but there’s not time to cover all possible scenarios. Some people think cake is cake, they are mad. Some think there are certain types of traditional cycling cake that must be adhered to and will not stray from bread pudding, fruit cake or victoria sponge. I say, and I know I’m going out on a limb but, chocolate brownie, gypsy tart and lemon meringue. I would even add cream horn, banoffee pie and curlywurly stack cake.
What you drink is up to you. I’m a lover of tea and coffee and solve this dilemma by having one of each. I'd advise against ice cream based drinks because I wouldn’t wish my rum and raisin shandy incident on anyone (I won’t go into detail but on the way home it made an unpleasant fountainous return through my nose. This is not the way you want to remember ice cream shandy)
Timing the Exit:
It’s best not to outstay your welcome, two visits to the cake trolley is sufficient to give the impression of treasured customer (you never know when you’ll forget to bring your money out with you and need a hunger knock favour). A cheery wave will distract from comical Max Wall cycling shoe walk as you leave.
Remount:
Remember everything I’ve mentioned before with regard to leg lifting but take care not to grunt, belch or F……..orget to lean the bike over. Successfully on board all you need to do now is get home for a nice cup of tea.